Mitch's awfully quick guide to getting a SO and keeping him/her.

Let's face it, humans are lonely beings. Whether you're looking for a long-term relationship or something resembling a drunken one-night stand, I've got a guide for you. First, let's go through a checklist of things that really help when it comes to dates (in order of importance):

• Do you carry condoms? Necessary, for obvious reasons. Don't trust the girl, that's how you end up with a deficit of money and a surplus of children. Oh, and possibly herpes. Herpes is the Darwin Award of the sexual world.
• Are you well groomed? Light stubble makes you look unkempt, same with an overgrown hairstyle/beard. Nails should be freshly clipped, pubic hair should be trimmed back, deodorant should be on at all times and you should be wearing some light aftershave. No excuses. If you can't afford proper aftershave get yourself some Old Spice. It's like $8 on Amazon. If you really want to go hard in the paint grab yourself some moisturizer and some witchazel. If you have eczema or acne deal with them to the best of your ability. Face scars are cool, don't worry. 
• Do you have an outfit that you'd be happy to wear to a date? Wear it to the date and wear it out-and-about if you're at a social event. Grooming>Face>Outfit>Body. Nothing else truly matters.
• Do you work out? Obvious really, you don't want to have to take a breather during sex. 
• Do you have a car? Both for sex and to chauffeur yourself and your potential mate around, a car is really damn useful. Preferably not a rustbucket.
• Do you have access to a double bed? Don't worry about this one too much, your friend might have one spare ;)
• Tinder. Don't think too much of it, it's just a silly app. It may or may not get you laid every once in a while. Don't get emotionally invested in it.

Now, let's talk character. The 'personality trait trio' is extremely important. You want to be risk-taking, charismatic and gentlemanly. Risk-taking in order to give you opportunities to capitalize on and to excite whoever you're courting, charismatic in order to intrigue whoever you're courting and gentlemanly in order to set whoever you're courting at ease. Risk-taking and nothing else makes you a fool, charismatic and nothing else makes you a shy guy and gentleness and nothing else makes you a nice guy. Try to at least get two out of three. 

Let's talk about strategy, champ. You want to expose yourself to as many potential mates as possible and show interest to as many potential mates as possible. The first one is really easy; get out more. Bars. Clubs. Friends. Work. Picnics. Family. Cinema. Restaurants. Wherever. The second one takes a little more of a spine. That half-decent waiter/waitress you see? Ask her if she's got a long shift. Ask her when her shift ends, and if she'd like to join you for drinks after. Talk to your damn cashier. If anyone looks like they're having a hard time, ask them if you can help. Hit the library and talk to people. Hold or go to barbecues and speak to everyone. Take risks. Tell the girl that's walking down the road that you think she's gorgeous. Tell the girl working at subway that she has lovely eyes. It doesn't matter if you get rejected. Rejection is the key to success. 

Good luck!